You know sometimes I don’t think I like the person my brother is becoming. I know this might seem mean and quite horrid of me, but it’s not really that way. I love my brother, although you would be hard press to find someone in my family that would believe that statement. But it’s true and I think that’s why this worries me so much.

My brother and I are nine years apart in age. And often I can’t find a lot of things to relate to him about. I’ve never been good at relating to kids who are younger to me other than to play the occasional play mom to little girls. But boys, to be honest I’ve ignored them. All but two of them, one he was my sweet heart, he’s older than my brother and had a crush on me since he met me. He was so sweet and still is. And the other well he’s almost the same age as my brother but such a different personality. I met his family when he was still a toddler and he was the most bashful child I had meant. But so cute with it. And I fell instantly in love. But other than these two incidents I didn’t have much interaction with much younger boys, not even my cousins.

Often times I’ve express how a boy’s mind confuses me very often. Of many of the arguements me and my guy have had has been started and inflated by the very different thought patterns we have. So in other words sometimes my brother stumps me. And it doesn’t help that it seems he operates on his own logical manner that have no explanation in this world or the next.

In the last five years I must admit that I haven’t been around much for him. And I guess a part of me doesn’t know where to start to capture a relationship that him and my sister obviously have since she has been around. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am confused to see that he is becoming a person I would not associate myself with for long.

My brother has a very self centered personality. He has no real sense of being wrong. He doesn’t think things through and he doesn’t think twice about lying or making excuses. There are things that he does that just rub me the wrong way, for example, my mother had a gift card for Target, when she went to use it somehow I ended up with it in my pocket afterwards…I think I got her change or something. But anyways, I ended up changing clothes in my brothers room that night and taking things out of my pocket I placed the card on the dresser. The week my mother was gone I made my brother clean his room (which is a story all it’s own) and he cleaned out/off his dresser. Well yesterday he tells my mom “I brought my Target Card so in case we go to Target. It has $20 on it.” My mom didn’t believe that he had a gift card with $20 that he himself had put on the card. So after we drop him off an a function the church my mother is attending, she called and checked on the card…$3. That’s when I saw the card and I was like that’s your card that I left on his dresser. So when he gets in the car, my mom goes “you know there’s only $3 on the card. But whose card is this?”  He says mine.

“Who gave it to you?”

“No one. I found it in my dresser.”

“Well who do you think it was originally?”

“Mines. You said you didn’t have any clothes in there when I asked you.”

“I didn’t have it in there, someone else left in there.”

“So it’s mines.”

And whole time I was quiet, just to see how my mom would handle it and as usual and predicted she let it go. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but that whole scene screams bad social skills. He knew it wasn’t his, but he said it was. He knew when he asked my mom if she had CLOTHES in there, he was actually asking if that was her card or not, but if he let her know about the card she might take it back so he hid it in a common question. And even after being told that the card was someone else’s, it didn’t phase him because he wasn’t letting it go.

But as much as the thought that my brother is/has developed bad social skills, is the thought of where this comes from. I know exactly where it comes from, in my parents somewhat advance age that have gotten extremely lazy about my brother’s upbringing. And now  I see them coming to the realization of such a thing. But I hazard a guess to say, it might be to late. The tension between me and my brother and my family on how I treat my brother stems from this. I LOVE my brother and the last thing I want is him to have bad social skills. Because I think those who have bad social skills have a completely complicated and hard life ahead of them. And I don’t want him to live a hard and complicated life because he doesn’t know how to behave in social settings.

He doesn’t know how to be empathetic to those around him. He doesn’t realize that the adage “finder’s keepers losers weepers” is not a good thing. Yeah there are situations were you can’t always return someone’s lost property and sometimes you have to think of it as a blessing in disguise. Even the simple act of cleaning up after oneself is important to do, and he doesn’t do it. And that’s because he doesn’t have to. My mom still cleans up after him, and yet people think I joke when I say he’s gonna be a 30 year old living her basement. But that’s where he’s heading. No drive to do good in school, celebration for barely passing a grade. It’s almost to much to take. And I can’t change 13 years of what has been by myself. And it really is by myself, because the other 3 people in my family have always thought I was mean to my brother. When I all I ever wanted was for him to take responsibility for his action. But now he believes that I hate him. So what do I do, jump on the bad wagon and continue to let him become someone who I despise or continue to try to instill some of the principles I hold dear into my baby brother. Is that not my job as a big sister?

What does it mean to be individual? What does it mean to have a sense of ones own individuality? Does one ever have a sense of their own individuality? Is it something that can be achieved or is it ingrain in our DNA?

I think there are some who would believe that it’s ingrained in us, just like the color of our eyes or the pattern in which our taste buds form. But others think it’s not something that is at birth but something that is shaped and crafted through experiences?

I think…that it’s something for another post.

This post is to ask, do I have a sense of my own individuality? How would I go about defining such a thing?

I like to think I’m very one of a kind. But then again there are times when I’m not sure. Does the make-up of all mental issues shape how I respond to my surroundings? I think it does. How I perceive the world around influences how I see myself in the mirror and even in my mind’s eye. But what if someone doesn’t know the extent of the mental issues does that count? Just this year I found out that all this time that my mom has joked with me about being on the spectrum, wasn’t all jokes. I am indeed on the spectrum for Autism. I was tested and everything. I of course have no memories of these, but I do have memories of a change in how my teachers treated me. I even know that I had to go to counseling and speech therapy while in elementary. I also had a special person, that wasn’t like a big sister but more like a shadow therapist type of person. I have a form of Asperger Syndrome...which is on the opposite side of the spectrum of the kids that my mom did one or one with.

After learning this out, (I was told one night while my mom was making spaghetti and I asked if it was gonna be baked because that’s the only way I can eat it. I don’t like the feel of noodles. She said yes I know, it’s that whole texture thing. That’s why you are on the spectrum. Me: Haha, very funny. No I’m not joking, see look. And she shows me some testing papers.) I looked it up and now I know more about why I react to certain things. But what about the last 23 years?

Being close in age with my sister has, I think, stifled yet at the same time as fed into my sense of individuality. I mean when I look at it, growing up I never had a sleep over at a friend’s house by myself. Not even over family’s houses, it was always with my sister. I rarely had friends my own age, usually they were my sister’s age and I just kind of tagged along. But it wasn’t of my own doing as much as my parents. My sister was way more sociable than I was and I was often pushed along with my sister to go play with other kids. And I guess the other kids just accepted me as a friend. I wasn’t an odd child, I warmed up sooner or later to everyone that I wasn’t an horrible little sister to have around. And the craziness that is me today was me then.  And as much as that sounds like a positive thing, I can’t help but to think…was it?
It has always been that me and my sister have been lumped together in an almost one entity kind of thing. One good example is simple Christmas presents. Always something to be shared between us, or the same thing just different colors.

Me and my sister have had one common teacher, and it wasn’t until parent/teacher conferences that she knew that we were related. When I think of our personalities, I like to use her words, “Like night and day.” (Now who is the night and who is the day…I’m still not sure.) So how can our very own family not be able to separate the two. Even to mixing up or names it results in the same thing, am I not remember-able enough to be a separate entity from my older sister?

Have I not spent enough time in my youth crafting my individuality? But then again if it is something that can be crafted, when does it start? If it’s something from birth, when does it become apparent?

I’ve never been one for social labels. I can’t be goth. I can’t be prep. I can’t be rock star. I can’t be hip hop. I am me.

There are things that I like and there are things that I don’t. Every school year I remember the agony of going for new clothes, it was as if it was the only chance my mom and sister would get to buy me the type of clothes I should be wearing. And every year it would be the same, this year would be different. So I would end up with clothes that I would wear once and then I would revert back to my jeans and t-shirts with weird sayings on them. But that’s just never enough. In all honesty yes I would like to wear items that might be a little goth, prep, rock star, and even hip hop. But body consciousness sometimes prevents me to explore such things.

But is individuality just in clothes? I don’t think so. I would rather watch episodes of The Simpsons, than an episode of The O.C. what does that say about my mental facilities? Is the fact that I prefer cartoons over drama series, a testimony that I behave like a child, that I haven’t grown up?

What about the fact that I always say I like older men, but almost every boyfriend I have has been younger than me? Even my online guy is younger than me. What does that say about me and how much I know of myself?

Yet I still come back to does this even define my individuality? When I say there is only one me…am I saying I’m the only one who has chosen to arrange the same thing everyone is in this particular way so that it makes me?

So the questions I posed at the beginning remain: What does it mean to be individual? What does it mean to have a sense of ones own individuality? Does one ever have a sense of their own individuality? Is it something that can be achieved or is it ingrain in our DNA?

How do you define your own individuality?

B.J.

BEWARE SPOILER ALERT!

Book: His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass

Author: Philip Pullman

Summary: In the first book of Pullman’s trilogy, The Golden Compass, introduces us to the main characters Lyra Belacqua and her “dæmon”, Pantalaimon. We are also introduced to a world that in many ways is still our own but has elements of fantasy well placed. Lyra’s world is drastically changed when she feeds into her natural curiosity and stoles away in a wardrobe and spies the Master of the college where she is a ward, poisoning her uncle, Lord Asriel. After successfully saving his life she thrust into an unknown world, where numerous children are going missing everyday. Rumors are flying all over the place about a horrible group of people labeled, “The Gobblers” , but to Lyra it’s just another game to play while being safe in the walls of Jordan College. Until one day a kid she knows goes missing, now Lyra is over playing games. But she is sidetracked by the beautiful woman, known only as Mrs. Coulter and her golden monkey “dæmon”. Mrs. Coulter promises to take Lyra to the North to be her assistant, which makes Lyra happy because the rumors say that the kids are being taken North.

When it becomes obvious that Mrs. Coulter is not going to take her to the North she because supicious and later finds out that Mrs. Coulter is with the Gobblers, a board created by the Magisterium, an organization based on the Church. It all comes down to a unknown thing called, ‘Dust’. The Church and Mrs. Coulter are obsessive with the Dust and its affect on humans and how they could change this. The kids who are getting kidnapped are being taking to a station in the North to be separated from their “dæmon”, which is a painful and never before done thing. Some kids are dying because of the operation and others are being left a shell of an human. She manages to run away to the safety of the Gyptians. Who after a while takes her to the North, where she meets a Texan, aeronaut and an outcast armor bear king. She meets a clan of witches after successfully rescuing the kidnapped kids and finding out that Lord Asriel and Mrs. Coulter are her parents.

Her adventures in the North are not over she still has to find her father, who is being kept prisoner in the far North. But at last the welcome she receives from her father is not what she expected. After a tense confrontation she goes to lay down only to be awoken by the servant of her father, telling him that her father has taken her friend Roger, who she had came all the way to the North to save. As it turns out his father is just as obsess with ‘Dust” as the Church and Mrs. Coulter. Except he believes that the dust is the result of the original sin, committed by Adam and Eve. And if he could find the source of the Dust he could end the one thing all man fear, death. He has discovered that within the Aurora Lights, there is a gateway to different worlds that can be entered through a bridge. But the thing is he needs a child who he could harness the energy that is created when separating the kid and their “dæmon” to power the bridge. Lyra is to late to save her friend, but her and Pantalaimon decide that since the adults believe the Dust is bad it must be good, and that it’s their duty to stop her father from destroying the source of the Dust. Both she and Pantalaimon follow her father through the gateway to another world, unsure of their future but convinced that nothing but pain and death was their past.

My Thoughts: As far as a teenage aimed book this is a well written story. There are many different themes and details that are in the story that the author pays close attention to and helps create the world in which he has created in a way. The main character, Lyra, is relate-able and well research. Pullman draws you into her world and mind and makes you wanna know what happens to her. The plot flowed well and although the pacing of the story is not even and a bit chaotic in a way. There are some places and ties that are left dangling in my opinion and I hope they are addressed in the following books but I’m not sure. This book is indeed meant for older teens and adults, for I’m not sure a child of eight would truly be able to grasp the whole book and its themes. For their are some themes that are too dark that this book would not make a good bedtime story for kids under 15.

Recommend: I would and am recommending this book to anyone who has seen the movie or want to see the movie. I think as always there is a lot left out of the movie that is crucial to the story. I found myself wanting to continuously read on after I got to the end of a chapter. The chapters are relatively shorter than a normal adult aimed book, which makes it seem like it goes a bit faster but makes it easy to read in small doses.

Rating: 8 out of 10.

• Great plot,
• Great idea,
• Well written,
• Relate-able characters.
• Uneven pacing
• Unfinished ideas

B.J.

A theme I found as I read yesterday. Yet again I was without internet for a good two hours so I read cause nothing was on T.V. and I didn’t feel like putting in a movie. Again I thought I would just read a chapter or two. I stopped at chapter four the day before so in theory I should be at chapter six, um yeah no. The Golden Compass, which is the first book in His Dark Materials, is split into three parts (it’s the only book that is split into parts). I just go to part three, which starts with chapter 18. But that wasn’t done in the two hours, I think I stopped at chapter 12 then. And continued this morning when I work up. This is weird for me, most books I read I could get through in two hours, I’m that fast at reading. But those books are usually paperback books. But this book is a softbound book…but it’s a big as normal hardbound books. But its like four times as thick. And it could be that I’m having to take the time and pick out all the many themes that are happening in this book. As much as I love romance books, you usually don’t find many on-curring things happening in them. Needless to say, and I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I’m enjoying this book.

Well the email came back form my dad, and there’s nothing in there about me jobless. I added a paragraph about the struggles I’m having with my personal statement, and he gave me some tips on that. I would dare to say that me going back to school is more important to him. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Like should I just stop trying to find a job or what? I mean should I hope that I get enough financial aid that I could afford to go to school and maybe even find living arrangements? If I get into my old ala mater then a friend as already said she would help with transportation until I found a car.

I just don’t know. I just don’t know.

Another friend brought up a college near her, it looks like they have the program I would like to go into but the page reads as if the program is actually at my old school and there was a Co-op type of thing, but that’s no longer the case. I remember later that Jen had said something about it so I need to talk to her about it.

I wish they had graduate school housing on my old school. But then I would be subject to having a roommate and that I just can’t do again. It’s to much stress.

There was something else I wanted to write about but I’ve seemed to have forgotten what it was. I guess I’ll go back to reading.

B.J.

I do believe I am suffering from cabin fever. Which is weird since I’ve been out of the house a lot in the last few weeks but still I feel agitated and caged in. In all honesty I think it’s because I was so use to campus life. If I felt like going for a walk, ping Jess an IM ask her to come with me and off we would go. Or I would go by myself. If I got tired of my cell block of a room I would leave and find another place to occupy. For as much as I complained about campus life…it was much easier for me to be me. If that makes sense.

I worked some more on my personal statement and I’m at such a lost. Gah! It’s so frustrating…I have nearly a page and I’m like have I actually said anything? Most of what I wrote came to me during a massive brain freeze I got from eating ice-cream. Never trust brain-freeze induced epiphanies. Or maybe I should say write down these epiphanies in full while you’re having said brain-freeze.

I finally told my dad about the lack of me having a job, I had to write to him via email because no one actually knows where he is. We all have a guess, but he hasn’t told his. His foolish pride wont let him I’m sure. But he has access to the internet, so I’m thinking my grandparents place. So I should expect an email response when I wake up…if I go to sleep today.

I’m head off to look at the screen of the telly or something.

B.J.

Personal Statements equal failure for me. My undergrad entrance personal statement was the same way. I mean I don’t really remember writing it but I did somehow and then my dad totally re wrote it. I mean the basis of it was still my thoughts, just not the words. But that was like five years ago when I still held to the idea that I hated writing. Now I have no other excuse other than I suck at writing personal statements. But what does that mean? I actually had to look up what a personal statement was…cause I guess I just didn’t know. I mean yeah it might seem simple, a personal statement is a statement a person makes about them. But what the hell does that mean? To be honest I still don’t know. :/

So I’ve been trying to hack something out but I just get stuck after every sentence and right now it just reads like a list of things. And that’s not gonna cut it. I know I can b.s. like the pros, but that’s on subjects that I know something about or at least something related to it. My senior capstone paper was pretty much b.s. for a good 10 out of 16 pages. I was thinking of trying to treat it like a short story of my life but somehow I don’t think that would be right. I mean I’m suppose to say why I want the Library and Science degree, but event here I’m not sure if that’s what I’m suppose to do. I wish I could look back on my other statement. But that file is lost…on one the many desktops I’ve gone through in my college career.

*sigh*

I’ll get it soon enough.

So yesterday my internet crapped out on me. We have wireless…well Clearw’re, and for some odd reason it only likes to connect to my laptop when the bill is due. And a week after that it refuses to connect. So I’m more or less using the leasing offices wireless, and sometimes it gets funky when there’s a storm coming about. So for a good four hours I had no internet and I tried working on the personal statement but I got a total of two sentences before I gave up. So me and my mom watched a movie during that time. Hide and Seek, it came out a couple of years ago. I don’t like thriller/horror movies, well I don’t like gore fest movies or movies where a lot of things are popping out on to the screen. If the movie has a lot of gruesome scenes or the killer is a humanoid count me out. I have to much of an active imagination as it is, I don’t wanna to over stimulate it. Same goes for books. Which might be a problem since The Book of the Dead is a thriller apparently.

But Hide and Seek, was one of those few thrillers that didn’t bother me. Overall it didn’t make much sense and I more than sure that I won’t be watching it again. But because of the drama that has happened in the last few months it was nice to do something with just me and my mom. In truth I’m a Momma’s girl, and I don’t really like sharing her. After that I still needed something to do and she was going to watch regular t.v., which I avoid if I can. So I picked up His Dark Materials, the plan was just to finish chapter 2 but I managed to read to chapter 4 and then had to force myself to put it down. I’m really getting into the story. And it feels good, feels normal. Well normal for me. It has been a while since I’ve had a new book to read. Really Guildwars has been the only new thing for me and that has worn its appeal away for me. And plus with the sucky internet connection I disconnect a lot and that’s irritating.

Once I got done reading my internet connection was back and I decided to wander around you-tube. I was gonna do another Project Runway marathon but I came across Season 1 of Project Runway Australia. I know that theres a Canadian version to, under Catwalk…or something like that. But I’ve never been interested in checking that one out and I think its in its second or third season. But for some odd reason I decided to check out episode five of the Australian one. The similarities between that one and ours is great, I don’t think they were even trying to change it up. The hostess is a blonde model, the other judges are a male who wears nothing but black and a brunette women who can be a bit mean, and a guest judge that’s random and sometimes includes celebrities. Tim Gunn is replaced with a Aussie version who is a little bit more stiff. And the challenges are reminiscent of challenges that have happened in the American version.

One thing I did notice however is that the designers are more willing to comment on the others work in a good way. Like every episode so far the designers have said about each others, “Oh that one is the winner for sure” The camaraderie is so high there, even though its a competition. There’s been five episodes so far and only one episode had some drama in it. The challenge was to create a sexy racy outfit using materials from a racing car. They had to work in teams of two and two designers would be coming home. What happened was one of the designers apparently used one of the other designer’s pattern block that they spent 2 hours making for a pair of pants. The first designer was really pissed because the other designer didn’t ask. And by using the block they had shaved 2-3 hours off their work time, and were getting some really awesome pants as well. Well by the end of it the second designer’s team leader was like we’ll restart the pants and it ended up being the guy who took the block to begin with went home cause the second pants he started were horrible and ill fitting.

So I guess I’ve found another show to watch. Although now I can’t remember anyone from the American show for this season so I’m gonna do a marathon of that one tonight.

And that’s all for me…

B.J.

I sat down to begin The Book of The Dead and I decide to do a web search on it just to see what would come up for the authors. And lo and behold, this book is the last book in a trilogy. And it seems to be part of a larger series. I’m not sure if it’s a spin off of the series or not. I couldn’t really tell from the descriptions. Only I would find myself in a bookstore wandering around saying, I want to start a series…then get sad on the fact that I couldn’t find a series I liked. Then pick up a random book of the sale pile and get it home to find that it’s part of a series. o_O.

The trilogy and the series all seemed to be surrounded around the New York Museum of Natural History. Which is a secret dream of mines to work for one day…or even be the person who discovers something on an expedition trip that goes on display there. I know a geeky dream but ehh we all have those locked away don’t we.

So now I have to wait to get some money and buy the first two books, which on amazon they don’t look to be too expensive. Brand new and hardbound they were only like $7.

So I started His Dark Materials…I’ve only gotten halfway through chapter two. I’m trying to savor the book by reading one chapter a day, but the chapters are relatively short so that makes it hard to not keep going. Plus in all honesty it’s kind of confusing to understand what is going on. Because it starts like in the middle of the story, so things have happened already and the characters make reference to these things but you as a reader don’t know about them. The Golden Compass is the first book, by the way. And also it’s staged partly in our world to begin with, and there are mad mention of things from Russia and that whole region and I took an Russian History class and was depressed that whole semester because of it. Yeah trying to get over that whole aversion to Russia to get through these chapters.

But so far I’m in love with the main character Lyra. She’s such a noisy little girl…reminds me of me. XD

I’ve gotten a lot of support about my decision on The Job from friends. I needed it, I haven’t been around any extended family yet but my dad’s parents are having a cook out the 16th and I know my grandmother is going to say something. Which is why I haven’t told my dad. I’m sure he’s gonna have  a speech for me to sit through. But oh well I’ve done it, can’t go back.

Is anyone watching the new season of Project Runway?

B.J.

Sometimes I think I have way to many mental problems.

Most people who know me and really know me, know that I don’t talk on the phone. I have never been the one to hang out on the phone. So to have a job where I would do nothing but talk on the phone for five hours straight. Well it was more than I can handle apparently…and as such a panic attack ensured.

What made it worst was that I felt like I had no choice but to go to this job. And I had no idea how long it was going to take for me to get enough money to get a car and look for something better. And then the things had happen in the last five years came rushing back and I just couldn’t do it.

I refused to go the job today. I felt bad that I was shucking out of my responsibilities but I just couldn’t do it. After the events at the orientation and the already uncomfortable feeling I was having from knowing what I was going to be doing for the job…no I just couldn’t do it.

And this point in my life I could really care less what others are going to think. I’m more than sure people (meaning my family on both sides) are comparing me to my dad. And that’s nothing new, I’ve always been compared to other people. And maybe that’s because I’m not like anyone in my family and they don’t seem to understand that. But if I always compare myself to other people then you know what I’m always going to fail in the end. I want a job because I want to have money to do things. I don’t want a job that is going to drain me of my life and spirit at the age of 23 just because everyone is like well it’s a job. I mean in my blood related family my father, my mother, and I are the only one’s to hold a degree from a 4 year school. And that says something about the mentality of my family. They don’t understand what it means to want to enjoy a career not a job. I’m not sure they know the difference, because they go from job to job. They have to, they have no choice. I went to college to have a choice.

I’m going back to school, and NO one in my family believes that or understand why I took the one year off. And no one has asked. No I haven’t gone to many family functions in this time that I’ve been off. But you know none of my family members have picked up the phone to call me and say “so how you doing?”. It’s always my responsibility to call them. I’ve been consistent in my oddness I’ve never randomly picked up a phone and called someone. Just never gonna happen, I don’t know why I have this aversion to the phone. I really do wish I knew why and how I could change it. Cause it puts a damper on friendships, I don’t keep long term friends because I suck at keeping in touch. Thank God for the intervention of the internet.

I’m just going to keep looking for work, and working on getting into school. A friend told me about the graduate assistantship deal, and if I could get that…that would be gravy. But I’ll just have to leave it up to the higher power that I’m doing the right thing.

B.J.

So yesterday I went out with a friend, because today is her birthday and she wanted to have a fun weekend before school started. Hence no hubby. We went to the mall in Greensboro and took in some of the sales that were happening during this no tax weekend. We stopped in JCPenney’s and I helped her pick out two outfits. And then we headed over to Lane Bryant and were disappointed in the sales. Nothing good was on sale at all. I was more impressed with JCPenney’s then them. Then we wandered around, got a pretzel and a slushie. Speaking of which, when did slushies become so sweet. I don’t think I tasted any kind of Coco-Cola in that slushie at all. Afterwards we headed to Torrid, and I found one coat that I really liked, but at last I could not find my size. Which is usually the case, whenever I found something on the clearance rack I can find the size above and the size below…never my size. Is the whole world the same size as me or does every who is the same size as me like the same things as me?

Wondering around some more we went to Waldenbooks (which I didn’t know they were the same company as Borders), where Jen bought me two books, The Book of The Dead by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child and Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials (yes ‘His” is actually part of the title)Trilogy which includes The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass. I’ll give you the inside cover/back cover writings on both…

The Book of the Dead
“A FBI agent, rotting away in a high security prison for a murder he did not commit…His brilliant, psychotic brother, about to perpetrate a horrific crime…A young woman with an extraordinary past, on the edge of a violent breakdown…An ancient Egyptian tomb with an enigmatic curse, about to be unveiled at a celebrity-studded new York gala…”

His Dark Materials
“…Captivating children and adults alike, it is a tale born of witch clans and armored bears, shining angels and magical devices, haunted otherworlds and the shocking destinies of Lyra and Will, two children at the center of a more-than-mortal battle. This edition presents Philip’s entire His Dark Materials trilogy in a single volume–a celebration of this astonishing work, now a beloved classic.”

I’m very excited to start on both books, I’ve gotten through chapter 1 of the The Book of the Dead. My friend got the latest book to one of the many series she read. As much as I read, I must confess I don’t read series, just never found one that made me wanna to start that series. I have always wanted to start one. I have certain authors that I read every book for, but none of them write series. I look all over the store for a series to start, but found none. And I looked in several sections, Young Adult, thought about starting Eragon. I most likely will never see the movie, but the book still looks interesting. The only thing is way to many people are still going gaga over it and the second one and the third one to come. That’s why I got the Pullman book from. There was another series apparently everyone at the Library is going wild for, the latest book being called Twilight. Has anyone heard of this book or the series? Basically it’s a teenage vampire romance. I like vampires and I like romance. But I can’t really stand reading about teenagers anymore. I use to didn’t have a problem, but once I got into high school just lost interest.

So after we got done there we decided to leave and as we appraoched the car, my friend noticed she didn’t have her keys. Due to some recent car work, some wires were cut that weren’t suppose to be cut and she had to replace the steering wheel and then install a starter button. So unlike before and all other cars, there is not consistent annoying beeping sound when you turn off the car and leave the key’s in the ignition. And there they were sitting right in the ignition. This is the second time she has locked her keys in the car with me as a passanger, I have no idea what number this is for her in general…but it’s high. So we go back in and ask a lady working in the drapery department if they have a wire hanger, and of course they do not. But luckly there was a lady there buying her daughter drapery and they lived relatively close. She went all the way home got us two hangers and came back. My friend assured her she could get the door open on her own and off we went. But at last…she couldn’t get it open. After about five or so minutes a guy and his family past us and he offered to help and got the door opened by hooking it on to the latch and pulling it, because her car unlocks itself when you pull the inside handle. Jen goes…”Oh yeah I could have just done that.” She had been trying to push the unlock button. So we thank them many times and then head for dinner at Olive Garden.

Once there we tried their new appetizer of flat bread, mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and garlic sauce…with grilled chicken on the side for me (my friend is a vegetarian). It was pretty tasty. Then I had a moment of memory lapse because I hadn’t been to Olive Garden in who knows how long, and couldn’t remember what it was that I usually ordered. So my friend said wasn’t it the Chicken Marsala, and I go yeah it was. And it was not the Chicken Marsala. It was the STUFFED Chicken Marsala. If you don’t know the difference of the two…because one word isn’t really telling you, I shall inform you. The regular Chicken Marsala, has a red bitter sauce to it and it comes with steak potatoes which aren’t mashed but cubed and roasted in the same sauce. The Stuffed Chicken Marsala has a creamy cheese sauce to it, and comes with mashed garlic potatoes. Big difference.

After that nice meal we went home where upon I had a panic attack about today. More on that in the next post.

B.J.

As promised…here’s more of an update.

Graduate School
Everyone can relax I’ve figured out what it is I want to do with my life. Well sort of…I wanna work in a library. Is that really surprising. I didn’t think so. I want to do something with archival and yet something to do with computers. I haven’t really narrowed it down, because I’m not sure what all there is that is encompassed in a Library Science Degree. But at least I know the direction I want to go to. Now I have to work The Job, so I can pay for the GRE which is $130, I know there’s a fee reduction waiver, which would bring the cost down to $70. But I’m not sure if I qualify for it anymore, so I’m just going on with the thing that it cost the full amount. Then pay for the application fee, which is $45. I’m applying to old Alma Matter, they finally got word back that they will be keeping their accreditation as long as they follow through with some initiatives to get more minorities into their program. Which means scholarships, that’s a good thing. I’ve been trying to write my personal statement. So far my life is summing up to one paragraph, I think that’s kind of sad. At this point I’m kind of stuck, I need an opener and I guess I should talk about why I want to pursue such a degree. But that calls for more thinking on my part…booo to that!

Romance Life
So I hesitate to bring this section up, but ehhh why not. So I’m more than sure I’ve started an online thing with someone. I’ve never done such a thing, and in this day and age, it’s not that big of a deal. I think more people are finding love online than in real life situations. In all honesty I would have like it to be in a real life situations, but when you aren’t able to do much doing the day for lack of transportation. Kind put a hindrance on such things. For the purpose of the blog, his name is S.B. A little information on S.B., he’s Asian…and lives in Canada…go fig, right. I didn’t meet him in a chat room or anything, but on something that I wasn’t look to meet someone. It just kind of happened. We started off as friends, and somehow it’s manifested itself into something more. I’m not sure how much to put into the relationship, since you just never know. But as a friend I’m glad to know him. Super nice guy. Where it’s going, I have no idea. I know one thing I’m not buying a plane ticket to go visit him in Canada, anytime soon. But maybe next year, who knows.

Writing
As long as I’ve not really updated here, I’ve not written a thing. Well I started that short story, and I found that I was really writing to please my readers. They wanted it to go longer and longer, and well there wasn’t much of a story to make it a full fledge novel. It was becoming a soap opera. I hate those things, I can’t be an author of one. So I lost interest in it. But I’m gonna end it soon, despite whether or not people want me to .

So that’s all that’s happened in the last five months. Not much but yet so much. Ha! Now I’m off to get ready to go out with a friend. Check ya later.