Last night I cooked dinner for my sister and her new boyfriend. They were over an hour late getting here and I was soooo hungry when they did get here. But we had fun and everything turned out pretty good. The chicken was a bit too salty, I don’t get the whole a dash of salt. I mean my dash of salt is apparently bigger than the recipes writers dash. But when all said and done it was still tasty. My sister brought her camera so I can borrow it for a few days. So I have halfway decent pictures this time. XD

There’s some cornbread muffins, BBQ baked Chicken, Peas, Corn…

And Garlic Mashed Potatoes

 

Up close shot of the chicken…doesn’t that look good. (It smelled good too.)

 

After dinner we watched a movie and then we went out to a few stores. I finally went to Fresh Market and found that they had Caster Sugar. It cost $5.19, but since it’s from a specialty company, I doubt that it will go on sale. So I picked up a small 1 pound bag. There’s a book of cupcake recipes that I have that calls for this special sugar and I had no idea what it was, I’ve been looking for it since August. Now I only need a few more ingredients and I can start making the ones out of that book. I’ve been doing recipes offline. There’s one I can’t wait to try…Strawberry Surprise (yes I like strawberries =P). It calls for Strawberry Liqueur…now that would be a great class party. Librarians drunk off cupcakes XD

 

Yesterday was the homecoming services for my Grandma, “Big Red”. I actually was able to go in while the casket was open. It’s a big deal for me; I wasn’t able to do that with my Dad. I just couldn’t make myself do that. I don’t know for some people it’s a way of closure, for me not so much I guess. Also everyone else was going to be going in, even my sister so I decided I could do it. Halfway up the aisle I broke down in tears, I just couldn’t help myself. Thankfully my brother was willing to give me his shoulder so he walked down with me.  It was the first dead body that I have ever seen and I didn’t like it all. I don’t think she looked like my Grandma at all, but I guess that’s okay. I do believe that her spirit what made her my Grandma, is already in heaven. My Dad’s mom was there with my Grandfather and Aunt, since I was able to sit my Mom; I went and sat with her to get some motherly love. I’m just glad the day is over and done with.

I came back kind of early, I just needed to be in my own home. Plus I didn’t know if the AT&T people were going to come and set up my Internet today. The original receipt I got had them slated to come today, however the emails I got afterwards (there were like 5 of them) had them coming Monday. I would like them to come today simply because I need to do homework and the Internet is being stupid. So I can only hope they come today but I there’s a bigger chance that they are coming Monday. Just as long as it’s before 4pm.

Today I need to clean my place. I sort of cleaned before I left but not really. I need to wash clothes, vacuum, sweep and mop, clean off the dinning room table, clean my stove and clean off my desk. I’m thinking about changing the living room set up. I’m not sure. I also have some fall window stickies I need to put up.

 

I made a cake this morning because I wanted too…and also I found another cake decorator thingy I want to try out. Maybe I’ll take pictures and post them.

So yet again the Angel of Death has visited my family. This time he took my Grandma, my mom’s mom. I must say I’m handling this way better then I did my dad. A few tears this morning when I was telling my friend that she had passed. She died of natural causes. We think she knew the end was coming, she had recently been talking about grave plots and insurance things these last few months.

We also think she was sicker than she was letting on and that she just didn’t want to tell anyone to burden them. We’ll never know for sure. The funeral is going to be sometime next week.

 

Now I’ve got two guardian angels looking after me.

I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people who can write in a blog/journal every single day. I just don’t think my life is ever going to be that interesting. So anyway, I did start the NaNo story and promptly fell behind. But that’s okay I’m going to catch up one day…like soon. I promise. It’s just so many things distracting me. And I didn’t plan and so now I’m winging it and that’s not an excuse it’s just facts. I haven’t written in so long that I’m out of practice. So I’m not focusing on getting to 50,000 or even 25,000, I’m just focusing on writing a story. I think the basis of my story is awesome. Granted because I’ve been so wrapped up in Halloween the past month that it’s going to have a tinged of dark side in there. But it’s going to be an awesome story even if it kills me…which it probably will because as of now the plot stinks like no body’s business.

In other news I’m breaking down and going to pay for internet. I know shocking, but since last weekend my hacked connection has been very weak. And I don’t like that, not at all. I live off the internet.

I got an A on my fun project…she was really impressed with my knowledge of cartoons and creating websites. Go me. I’ve got some serious papers due this month, another reason why I need the internet, it’s not convenient to come up to the wireless cafe (these seats hurt my bottom) or ride up to campus. I don’t want to be there all day and then I don’t want to ride the with my friend back…her car is still not cleaned out. Plus her husband always wants to ride there and he doesn’t understand the fact that I’m not there to keep him company. It still wouldn’t be worth having a car over either.

So my mom and brother did come last weekend but we didn’t make it to the Faire, I felt like crap the next morning and then it was rainy and muggy and just plain gross. So we opted not to go. Instead we went out to Cracker Barrell, I hadn’t been there in years, in fact I’ve only been there once and I didn’t like it. But they love it so we went and it was a lot better this time. Still can’t eat a full serving of pancakes anymore but the syrup was so good. We then we shopping, so I could find a winter/fall coat…then I realize I don’t wear coats. So I got a hoodie from the man’s department in Target. It’s so comfy.

I tried one of those new recipes I found on MorningStar Farms site, and it was pretty good. I’m going grocery shopping again today because Harris Teeter is have triple coupon. I hope my friend’s husband has to work…I don’t like going shopping with him. He’s like a spoiled five year old who keeps asking are we done and throws a fit if he can’t get something special. I’m still trying to see what she saw in him other than a chance to have a kid without birthing the sucker. Oh well. Laters!

B.J.

Just a quick little post. I’ve got a new computer. This time its a Macbook. So much has change in my life that I can’t even begin to know where to start. I guess I could go with the fact that my dad past away at the end of August. It was totally unexpected. He suffered a massive attack and was unable to be saved. It hurt like hell. And it still does. I’ve started to come to terms with it, so has my whole family but you know it’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same. But there’s no point dwelling on it.

I got accepted to graduate school. I was even awarded a scholarship. I know how exciting. With the scholarship I get a stipend and a internship. I also got this nifty computer. Which was a hassle let me tell you. We were suppose to get them before classes started, which was Aug. 24th. I just got mines today. And that was after the school IT department held hostage and did all sorts of horrible tests on it for three days. The stipend is for $1500 a month which is just enough to afford me an one bedroom apartment.

The apartment is cool because it’s mines…allllllll mine. But for some reason I have this weird infestation of spiders in my living room. I’m deathly afraid of spiders. I can handle some other creepy crawlies BUT no it has to be spiders. I think its because my patio door has a gap in it at the bottom. Either way I’ve got to start bugging management to come fix the problem. The rent is $875 all inclusive so I think its a good price for the place. It’s in a great neighborhood, on the bus route, the grounds are kept up nicely. And its a big place

I have started my internship its suppose to start this month. So I’ll let you know how that goes.

Um I can’t really think of anything else. My brother’s playing football for his high-school this year. My sister is under contract for a condo and my mom is moving into a three bedroom apartment.

Still dating my snuggle bunny…18 months strong.

Well I’m out!

Wow I can’t believe that it’a  a new year already. I’ve been on wordpress for one whole year, and I’ve not change much since the beginning. Least I don’t think so. I mean there have been some changes since the last entry.

I got a part time job, well more like two part time jobs but I haven’t started one. The first one was for substitute teaching for my counties school. The problem was that not only did you have to pay to go to the orientation but also to have a physical and TB shot. Ofcourse I had to hear about my mom fussing about them not footing the bill, because alone the two aren’t that expensive but for anyone doctor to do both it cost an arm and a leg. Especially if you are in that group of americans who don’t have  health insurance. So I borrowed the money from my sister to pay for the orientation and then my mom was going to pay for the shoot and I found a place to do the physical free. But then she started fussing about how she didn’t have any money after she gave me the money for the shoot, so I was like screw it I’ll pay for it when I have the money. Because the day I was going to go get the shot, I got a call back from a job that I wanted more than the substituting one. Which leads me to the next job, it’s a part time job at my local library. I was so estatic to be back in the library setting. It’s tiring work for someone who hasn’t been working in a while, but it feels so good to be getting back into something to look forward to do everyday.

My computer is gone for semi-good, the powerbox blew and to replace that would be the same as buying a new one. So I have no way to get online from home. I’m using one of the computers from the library now and it’s an hassle to get on one of these. Jen did buy me a Fly pentop computer for christmas, but it does me no good if I can’t hook it up to a computer. Oh well I’m saving to buy a desktop this time. I’ve done the whole laptop thing and it’s just not for me.

Since being back in the library atmosphere I get to be around books all the time which means I have a ready supply of unread books at my disposal. You don’ t want to know how many I’ve read in the last couple of weeks since I’ve started working. I’ve been hardcore looking for series to read. I’ve finally started working through the Harry Potter series. I know I’m all sorts of late for the craze but that was the point. I never jump on the wagon when everyone else is on it. I’m the one person who waits and then jumps and misses it so I have to go it alone and end up lost and confuse and arrive at the destination two years later. I’ve started another one too, Artemis, this one has been out for a while maybe since the ’90’s but it’s a good series. And yes these are both series meant for young adult but I really don’t care. Since His Dark Materials, I’ve really been more open to looking in the young adult section for reading materials. I tried going back to my adult favorites like Elizabeth Lowell and Jayne Ann Krentz, but the last book for both of them were total disappoinment. So I’ve been reading new authors, like Janet Evanovich and  Sherilyn Kenyon, and some that I’ve read before like Jennifer Crusie, Lori Foster (although I read one book and stopped mid book cause it was boring me to depression.) and Carly Phillips. In some ways I’ve sort of kind of not missed not being able to surf the web….sort of…but not really.

I have managed to do some writing since being computer challenged, like finishing the short story that was waying me down since the begining of last year. And doing some research and planning for other stories. I’ve also seen some good movies lately like Eagel Eye, Kung Fu Panda, Hellboy 2 and National Treasure 2. I’ve seen some not so great ones like The Fountain…to complicated for my taste.

Gotta get going…time is almost out.

B.J.

You know sometimes I don’t think I like the person my brother is becoming. I know this might seem mean and quite horrid of me, but it’s not really that way. I love my brother, although you would be hard press to find someone in my family that would believe that statement. But it’s true and I think that’s why this worries me so much.

My brother and I are nine years apart in age. And often I can’t find a lot of things to relate to him about. I’ve never been good at relating to kids who are younger to me other than to play the occasional play mom to little girls. But boys, to be honest I’ve ignored them. All but two of them, one he was my sweet heart, he’s older than my brother and had a crush on me since he met me. He was so sweet and still is. And the other well he’s almost the same age as my brother but such a different personality. I met his family when he was still a toddler and he was the most bashful child I had meant. But so cute with it. And I fell instantly in love. But other than these two incidents I didn’t have much interaction with much younger boys, not even my cousins.

Often times I’ve express how a boy’s mind confuses me very often. Of many of the arguements me and my guy have had has been started and inflated by the very different thought patterns we have. So in other words sometimes my brother stumps me. And it doesn’t help that it seems he operates on his own logical manner that have no explanation in this world or the next.

In the last five years I must admit that I haven’t been around much for him. And I guess a part of me doesn’t know where to start to capture a relationship that him and my sister obviously have since she has been around. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am confused to see that he is becoming a person I would not associate myself with for long.

My brother has a very self centered personality. He has no real sense of being wrong. He doesn’t think things through and he doesn’t think twice about lying or making excuses. There are things that he does that just rub me the wrong way, for example, my mother had a gift card for Target, when she went to use it somehow I ended up with it in my pocket afterwards…I think I got her change or something. But anyways, I ended up changing clothes in my brothers room that night and taking things out of my pocket I placed the card on the dresser. The week my mother was gone I made my brother clean his room (which is a story all it’s own) and he cleaned out/off his dresser. Well yesterday he tells my mom “I brought my Target Card so in case we go to Target. It has $20 on it.” My mom didn’t believe that he had a gift card with $20 that he himself had put on the card. So after we drop him off an a function the church my mother is attending, she called and checked on the card…$3. That’s when I saw the card and I was like that’s your card that I left on his dresser. So when he gets in the car, my mom goes “you know there’s only $3 on the card. But whose card is this?”  He says mine.

“Who gave it to you?”

“No one. I found it in my dresser.”

“Well who do you think it was originally?”

“Mines. You said you didn’t have any clothes in there when I asked you.”

“I didn’t have it in there, someone else left in there.”

“So it’s mines.”

And whole time I was quiet, just to see how my mom would handle it and as usual and predicted she let it go. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but that whole scene screams bad social skills. He knew it wasn’t his, but he said it was. He knew when he asked my mom if she had CLOTHES in there, he was actually asking if that was her card or not, but if he let her know about the card she might take it back so he hid it in a common question. And even after being told that the card was someone else’s, it didn’t phase him because he wasn’t letting it go.

But as much as the thought that my brother is/has developed bad social skills, is the thought of where this comes from. I know exactly where it comes from, in my parents somewhat advance age that have gotten extremely lazy about my brother’s upbringing. And now  I see them coming to the realization of such a thing. But I hazard a guess to say, it might be to late. The tension between me and my brother and my family on how I treat my brother stems from this. I LOVE my brother and the last thing I want is him to have bad social skills. Because I think those who have bad social skills have a completely complicated and hard life ahead of them. And I don’t want him to live a hard and complicated life because he doesn’t know how to behave in social settings.

He doesn’t know how to be empathetic to those around him. He doesn’t realize that the adage “finder’s keepers losers weepers” is not a good thing. Yeah there are situations were you can’t always return someone’s lost property and sometimes you have to think of it as a blessing in disguise. Even the simple act of cleaning up after oneself is important to do, and he doesn’t do it. And that’s because he doesn’t have to. My mom still cleans up after him, and yet people think I joke when I say he’s gonna be a 30 year old living her basement. But that’s where he’s heading. No drive to do good in school, celebration for barely passing a grade. It’s almost to much to take. And I can’t change 13 years of what has been by myself. And it really is by myself, because the other 3 people in my family have always thought I was mean to my brother. When I all I ever wanted was for him to take responsibility for his action. But now he believes that I hate him. So what do I do, jump on the bad wagon and continue to let him become someone who I despise or continue to try to instill some of the principles I hold dear into my baby brother. Is that not my job as a big sister?

A theme I found as I read yesterday. Yet again I was without internet for a good two hours so I read cause nothing was on T.V. and I didn’t feel like putting in a movie. Again I thought I would just read a chapter or two. I stopped at chapter four the day before so in theory I should be at chapter six, um yeah no. The Golden Compass, which is the first book in His Dark Materials, is split into three parts (it’s the only book that is split into parts). I just go to part three, which starts with chapter 18. But that wasn’t done in the two hours, I think I stopped at chapter 12 then. And continued this morning when I work up. This is weird for me, most books I read I could get through in two hours, I’m that fast at reading. But those books are usually paperback books. But this book is a softbound book…but it’s a big as normal hardbound books. But its like four times as thick. And it could be that I’m having to take the time and pick out all the many themes that are happening in this book. As much as I love romance books, you usually don’t find many on-curring things happening in them. Needless to say, and I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I’m enjoying this book.

Well the email came back form my dad, and there’s nothing in there about me jobless. I added a paragraph about the struggles I’m having with my personal statement, and he gave me some tips on that. I would dare to say that me going back to school is more important to him. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Like should I just stop trying to find a job or what? I mean should I hope that I get enough financial aid that I could afford to go to school and maybe even find living arrangements? If I get into my old ala mater then a friend as already said she would help with transportation until I found a car.

I just don’t know. I just don’t know.

Another friend brought up a college near her, it looks like they have the program I would like to go into but the page reads as if the program is actually at my old school and there was a Co-op type of thing, but that’s no longer the case. I remember later that Jen had said something about it so I need to talk to her about it.

I wish they had graduate school housing on my old school. But then I would be subject to having a roommate and that I just can’t do again. It’s to much stress.

There was something else I wanted to write about but I’ve seemed to have forgotten what it was. I guess I’ll go back to reading.

B.J.

I do believe I am suffering from cabin fever. Which is weird since I’ve been out of the house a lot in the last few weeks but still I feel agitated and caged in. In all honesty I think it’s because I was so use to campus life. If I felt like going for a walk, ping Jess an IM ask her to come with me and off we would go. Or I would go by myself. If I got tired of my cell block of a room I would leave and find another place to occupy. For as much as I complained about campus life…it was much easier for me to be me. If that makes sense.

I worked some more on my personal statement and I’m at such a lost. Gah! It’s so frustrating…I have nearly a page and I’m like have I actually said anything? Most of what I wrote came to me during a massive brain freeze I got from eating ice-cream. Never trust brain-freeze induced epiphanies. Or maybe I should say write down these epiphanies in full while you’re having said brain-freeze.

I finally told my dad about the lack of me having a job, I had to write to him via email because no one actually knows where he is. We all have a guess, but he hasn’t told his. His foolish pride wont let him I’m sure. But he has access to the internet, so I’m thinking my grandparents place. So I should expect an email response when I wake up…if I go to sleep today.

I’m head off to look at the screen of the telly or something.

B.J.

Personal Statements equal failure for me. My undergrad entrance personal statement was the same way. I mean I don’t really remember writing it but I did somehow and then my dad totally re wrote it. I mean the basis of it was still my thoughts, just not the words. But that was like five years ago when I still held to the idea that I hated writing. Now I have no other excuse other than I suck at writing personal statements. But what does that mean? I actually had to look up what a personal statement was…cause I guess I just didn’t know. I mean yeah it might seem simple, a personal statement is a statement a person makes about them. But what the hell does that mean? To be honest I still don’t know. :/

So I’ve been trying to hack something out but I just get stuck after every sentence and right now it just reads like a list of things. And that’s not gonna cut it. I know I can b.s. like the pros, but that’s on subjects that I know something about or at least something related to it. My senior capstone paper was pretty much b.s. for a good 10 out of 16 pages. I was thinking of trying to treat it like a short story of my life but somehow I don’t think that would be right. I mean I’m suppose to say why I want the Library and Science degree, but event here I’m not sure if that’s what I’m suppose to do. I wish I could look back on my other statement. But that file is lost…on one the many desktops I’ve gone through in my college career.

*sigh*

I’ll get it soon enough.

So yesterday my internet crapped out on me. We have wireless…well Clearw’re, and for some odd reason it only likes to connect to my laptop when the bill is due. And a week after that it refuses to connect. So I’m more or less using the leasing offices wireless, and sometimes it gets funky when there’s a storm coming about. So for a good four hours I had no internet and I tried working on the personal statement but I got a total of two sentences before I gave up. So me and my mom watched a movie during that time. Hide and Seek, it came out a couple of years ago. I don’t like thriller/horror movies, well I don’t like gore fest movies or movies where a lot of things are popping out on to the screen. If the movie has a lot of gruesome scenes or the killer is a humanoid count me out. I have to much of an active imagination as it is, I don’t wanna to over stimulate it. Same goes for books. Which might be a problem since The Book of the Dead is a thriller apparently.

But Hide and Seek, was one of those few thrillers that didn’t bother me. Overall it didn’t make much sense and I more than sure that I won’t be watching it again. But because of the drama that has happened in the last few months it was nice to do something with just me and my mom. In truth I’m a Momma’s girl, and I don’t really like sharing her. After that I still needed something to do and she was going to watch regular t.v., which I avoid if I can. So I picked up His Dark Materials, the plan was just to finish chapter 2 but I managed to read to chapter 4 and then had to force myself to put it down. I’m really getting into the story. And it feels good, feels normal. Well normal for me. It has been a while since I’ve had a new book to read. Really Guildwars has been the only new thing for me and that has worn its appeal away for me. And plus with the sucky internet connection I disconnect a lot and that’s irritating.

Once I got done reading my internet connection was back and I decided to wander around you-tube. I was gonna do another Project Runway marathon but I came across Season 1 of Project Runway Australia. I know that theres a Canadian version to, under Catwalk…or something like that. But I’ve never been interested in checking that one out and I think its in its second or third season. But for some odd reason I decided to check out episode five of the Australian one. The similarities between that one and ours is great, I don’t think they were even trying to change it up. The hostess is a blonde model, the other judges are a male who wears nothing but black and a brunette women who can be a bit mean, and a guest judge that’s random and sometimes includes celebrities. Tim Gunn is replaced with a Aussie version who is a little bit more stiff. And the challenges are reminiscent of challenges that have happened in the American version.

One thing I did notice however is that the designers are more willing to comment on the others work in a good way. Like every episode so far the designers have said about each others, “Oh that one is the winner for sure” The camaraderie is so high there, even though its a competition. There’s been five episodes so far and only one episode had some drama in it. The challenge was to create a sexy racy outfit using materials from a racing car. They had to work in teams of two and two designers would be coming home. What happened was one of the designers apparently used one of the other designer’s pattern block that they spent 2 hours making for a pair of pants. The first designer was really pissed because the other designer didn’t ask. And by using the block they had shaved 2-3 hours off their work time, and were getting some really awesome pants as well. Well by the end of it the second designer’s team leader was like we’ll restart the pants and it ended up being the guy who took the block to begin with went home cause the second pants he started were horrible and ill fitting.

So I guess I’ve found another show to watch. Although now I can’t remember anyone from the American show for this season so I’m gonna do a marathon of that one tonight.

And that’s all for me…

B.J.